Being an Extraordinary Leader – for Your Family and Your Business
Knowing WHAT to say, HOW to say it and WHEN to say it transforms relationships.
Many articles I read seem to be asking us to be leaders. Being technically great at what we enjoy is only part of it. Doing something consistently well is another part. Being truly successful it seems there is more and more call for motivation, collaboration and empathy skills.
We are being asked to become great motivators, collaborators and express and receive others with empathy; by our fellow directors, our staff, our partners, friends, our families and when socialising on screen and off.
Effective relating gives us strength and encouragement when it matters most.Let’s consider someone who’s sole work load consists of interactions with a computer screen.
The pressure to complete drives our focussed attention for long hours.
Leaving little time or desire left to relate.
Other professions/people that come to mind and could be included in these same pressures are:
- The elderly
- Home businesses
- Hands-on businesses like a masseuse/physio/chiro
- People caring for someone else
- Young adults making the daily decisions on their own in her own business or in a manager’s role
- People who are part of a team at work yet work on their own. Police, Doctors, Nurses,
- Psychologists, Teachers, Lawyers….
Until writing this, I hadn’t considered how depleted time and desire, played such important roles in our quality of interactions.
2 mistakes I previously made that were not obvious
They were not considered mistakes as everyone around me was doing the same thing.
I hadn’t considered another world existed until…
I took a bite of the cookie. As I got taller I could see into another world. The world I came from was comfortable…. and uncomfortable. When it got more uncomfortable, I would talk to others to check out some of my concerns. Friends and family would just agree saying “yes poor you” or say “oh no! let’s go get a drink”. Or worse; “let’s go shopping”! Arrrhhh. Scary. I am not a shopper!
They really felt for me.
Gotta love friends and family; they love you.
Precious as they are, they are not often trained in how to listen, how to respond and when to respond.
And that’s ok because there are solutions.
Are you making these 2 big mistakes in communication?
Mistake # 1
Proving who’s right
These conversations are purely energy drainers. Each of us has a different perspective. Getting curious is a great start and provides connection.
Some challenging personalities can be more of a drain on your energy than others.
Try being curious. Ask about another’s needs in the moment.
You are late to a meeting and the speaker welcomes you and also says “and here’s Dina, I know you’re trying hard but a little more commitment to punctuality would be great”. Everyone laughs. Except you become now you are distracted and are not present because you have become prickly. What do you do with these thoughts that keep you from being in the present moment and having the razor-sharp focus you desire?
Some people only imagine you are motivated to change by pointing out the desired behaviour change in front of others. This is simply done to belittle someone into changing and will have the opposite effect in the long term. This is not leadership this is control and domination.
Proving right and wrong can cause irreparable damage between people.
Have you ever experienced headaches that increase with anticipation, say on a Sunday evening, or tight tummies that aren’t noticeable on the weekend? Perhaps this has happened to you so you have experienced it first-hand.
These are some of the effects of stress. If you address the issue as soon as it pops up the symptoms of stress will go away. Most of us wait until it festers a little, or a lot because we are worried about what others will think if we say what’s bothering us. We can now learn how to respond in our own heads and to others with self-confidence, connection and warmth.
Mistake # 2
Thinking there is finite number of solutions to a problem.
I used to think a fast answer is a good answer. Placing a step in between and finding the need makes problem solving more inclusive and the initial cooperation and commitment won’t unravel down the track.
Using one more step. This extra step will provide more clarity and more strategies to solve the problem and more long term efficiency.
Once you develop a needs language you won’t fall into the only 2 choices chasm ever again. Needs give you more freedom.
Needs are never in conflict, only the strategies to meet the needs are in conflict.
This acronym was shared with me a long time ago and it serves me well to remember this when I am listening and when I am expressing my own needs in the hope that connection or collaboration will occur, it’s called PLATO
If I name a need and any of the above are crucial to my need being met, then it’s not a need; it’s a strategy.
AS I see it, striving to be perfect when naming the needs can be detrimental to the flow. A needs vocabulary can be extremely helpful to being heard and hearing yourself. Returning to being present again more quickly.
Grab your needs list here.
Until you know how the brain generally interprets what you say to yourself and how others interpret what you say, you can keep making the same mistakes eternally. I’m on a mission to share what I have learned about healthy relationships, healthy living and an outstanding quality of mental health to as many people as I can in the next 10 years.
Time can be preventing you from peeking out of that comfort zone. I have looked at what I found manageable when I was rushed and have created a 5-day challenge with small pieces each day that will inspire, motivate, teach and nurture you. Bite size chunks that will add value, efficiency and to improve effectiveness by using these collaborative coaching skills for your staff, and to free up your time to spend time on what matters most; your family or growing your business.