“How was your day?”
“Fine.”
“What did you learn today?”
“Nothing.”
Recognise this pattern?
Yes, these types of conversations happen in my home too. My kids have moved out. Just so you know they are not 12 and they didn’t run away from home. This type of conversation however, did happen when my kids were younger.
But how do we get our kids (or our partners) to open up and share about their day?
Because what we really want is a deep connection with our children (this helps a LOT when they’re older).
And it doesn’t happen if we don’t get to know their world.
One-word answers don’t help us reconnect with our kids after a long day apart from each other.
Here’s a list of some questions you could try instead of how was your day.
Instead of how was your day, try what was one thing that made you laugh today.
Instead of did you eat your lunch today, try who did you sit next to at lunch today.
Instead of did you have a good day, try what did you do that made someone smile today.
Please don’t use all of them at the same time, even a 4 year old will be suspicious. Change the wording a bit for a teenager instead of what did you learn at school today try did you enjoy art or science best today when they answer you can add to it by saying something like, I notice you have been good at that for years now. Making sure it’s authentic as kids pick a phony very quickly.
You can easily change the wording when you are wanting to connect with your partner.
Ask them what strengthened you today and what challenged you today. Take turns sharing.
Some people just need to hear that someone is interested
We might think it’s obvious but sometimes it isn’t.
Whether you are wanting to connect with the kids or your partner, let them know you’re are interested by saying I love hearing about your day. If they don’t say anything that night try saying it again and again.
Some kids (and adults) need to hear this often to change thoughts they might have like
no one cares or I don’t matter or does anyone actually care?….or from the age of 4-20 you may experience a little more drama like “get me out of here”!
Drama is hard road, however, for those of us with rock eisteddfods looming, it does produce some pretty good stage performers….just sayin’.
Why
Be careful with why questions, not only with children. Starting a question with why implies there is something wrong with who they are rather than something they did that didn’t meet your needs.
I would love to know how you go with these.
In the meantime, a meditation might help. Click on the pic of me to be guided in a 5-minute meditation to do anytime. If you do this before dinner you might find you are so much more relaxed, conversations around the table might go surprisingly well and you will digest and absorb all those nutrients much better.
How I can help
My passion is supporting people to speak up and ask for what they want with courage, clarity and authenticity.
Using communication that simply works!
Construction industry- Director and Dad “it’s great to talk over how a conversation might go down before I have that meeting and know I can be myself because I am relaxed and have a few tools to keep me calm”
I can help with:
Mediation between 2 or more people
One on one coaching
Free 20 minute exploration call
When you know you want support yet are unsure what type of support you might like, please click here to book an initial 20 minute exploration call, even if we’ve talked before its best to be sure.
Did you click the pic for the meditation. It’s only 5 minutes!
lots of love
Glyn
Thank you to https://biglifejournal.com/